We were better parents today, but we still messed up. We
started the day by taking the subway to the Beijing Google office to have
breakfast. It was great. Then we took a taxi to the mall, and Ada took her
first nap when we got there. We walked around the mall, located not one, but
two indoor playgrounds, and got ourselves coffees at Starbucks. I never have
Starbucks in the US. It’s really terrible, but in China the options are not
that great when it comes to coffee. Then we walked around and looked at around
at baby clothes and desks for young children.
When Ada woke up, we took her to the bigger playground. It’s
great: it’s has a kind of a militaristic theme to it, but in a very subtle way:
they use stencil fonts, and the play areas are loosely inspired by tanks,
airplanes, and submarines:
There are even canons (which were not operational when we
were there) that shoot balls to the ball pit and ziplines. The subtlety stops
when you get to the urban warfare area:
We took a break for lunch at the mall and came back. Ada had
fun, and I had blast. Then I started trying some more daring stuff with Ada,
like letting her slide with me only grabbing her shirt, but that didn’t work
very well, and I had to save her by pulling her up by the collar before she
smashed her head to the ground. I tried having her on my knees as I went down
the zipline, and when I landed, she almost flew away from me, but I caught her
just before launched into the padded wall. Hey, I caught her and that what
matters. Then Julia said “ok, we’re
tired”, and by that she meant that she’s tired of me trying to kill our
daughter.
The next stop was Baigongfang. We could either take the
subway or a taxi, and we reckoned that a taxi would be faster – we’d get there
quickly and put Ada down for her second nap. But we messed up, again: with
pretty bad traffic, the ride took 45 minutes, Ada started bawling just after we
got into the cab, and wouldn’t you know it, I left her pacifier attached to the
stroller that was in the trunk. This was one of the hardest things I had to go
through as a parent. Ada was screaming her lungs out, and there was nothing I
could do.
When we finally got out of the taxi, Julia tipped the taxi
driver generously for the terrible experience. We put Ada down in her stroller
with her pacifier, and she fell asleep immediately, still gasping to find her
breath. We felt terrible, but Julia took it harder, and the stress manifested
physically, to the point where she couldn’t think straight. I took over,
rushing us to find a bathroom, and when we did, Julia threw up. It was that
bad. We regrouped, I did my best to cheer Julia up, and we walked over to the
Baigongfang.
Baigongfang, literally meaning “100 handicrafts workshop”,
is home to dozens of small studios that specialize in old forms of Chinese craftsmanship,
from jade carving to paper cuts. Every studio we walked into was extremely
welcoming, and the art is really impressive:
We walked back to the subway and headed back to our hotel’s
area. Ada, who slept through the whole thing, woke up just in time for the
ride. Navigating the subway is tricky for many reasons, but mostly because
people, in a way that is significantly more pronounced than the US, have their
eyes glued to their phones. As they walk around the subway station, they watch
videos, play games, and video chat. I have made this into a game months ago,
where I deliberately lead the stroller in the path of people who don’t look
where they’re going. Over the past few days in China I broke my personal record
multiple times. Also, if you have an idea for a name for this game, I’d like to
hear it. “iChicken” is the best I could come up with so far.
Then, there’s the problem of people shoving their way into
the train before letting people out. I’m done being polite about this. Coming
out of the train at our stop, I held Ada in one arm, extended both my elbows,
and launched myself in a straight line out of the car. I heard the protests of
at least five assholes who were not willing to let me out and now paid the
price in the shape of my elbow in their ribs, but they didn’t realize that with
each shriek they make, my powers get stronger. I managed out of the car, but
Julia was still stuck inside with the stroller. I shoved one person out of her
way and held the doors from closing. When she was out, an attendant told her
that she should have planned better to get out. Julia yelled at her that people
would just not let her out.
I feel totally fine with physically hurting people who act
this way. They do this because there is no price that they have to pay for
being dicks. I am bringing something new by setting a price range that is
between a stroller hitting your shin bone to an elbow to ribs, and I hope more
people adopt my pricing system. It’s the only way people would start
considering whether it’s worth it for them to block other people from getting
off the train or not.
We got out of the hotel, regrouped, and found a tiny
restaurant, with only 4 tables, that served us simple yet fantastic food.
Tomorrow. Tomorrow we’ll be good parents.
What about "Stroller Fighter"?
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